Flashback: Ode to Caffeine

Another favorite from my old Megan’s Meanderings blog.

My name is Megan Horn and I’m addicted to caffeine. Specifically, Mt. Dew.

Okay, so maybe not addicted, but I definitely enjoy it. Because I’m so little (I lie and pretend I’m 5’2” but this post isn’t about my lack of height, so I digress), even the smallest amount of caffeine (less than 8 oz. of Mt. Dew) can get me all hyped up.

Throughout the year I go through stages. There are times I’ll drink 10 cans of Dew per week, and other times I’ll go weeks without even a sip. It takes me about a week to go from heavy drinkage to no drinkage, and it’s not too bad if I ignore the headaches and fatigue.

This is not a PSA against caffeine (believe me, I’m all for it), but there are some negative side effects of caffeine (not based on research; based on personal findings):
·  Hyperness – this isn’t a real word; Webster, get on that
·  Bouncing-off-the-wall Syndrome – WebMD didn’t have anything on this…I’m not sure why
·  Foot-in-mouth Disease – sometimes I say stuff I don’t mean. Well, I usually mean them, they’re just not always appropriate
·   Classic Silliness – I get silly and I say silly things. Some find it entertaining.
·   The Dreaded Caffeine Crash – this phenomenon occurs approximately two hours after ending caffeine intake. The main symptom includes feeling like what can only be described as, and the experts agree, “meh” or “uuuugh”

When I’ve had caffeine and I get together with someone else who’s had caffeine, things can get ca-razy! For example, my roommate, Mandy Miller, and I were all hyped up one night (I had had approximately 30 oz. of Dew) and had odd conversations via social media. We were in the same apartment at the time.

I posted the following as my status:


Then my silly roommate (don’t judge her, she’s my friend) posted the following on my wall. It took me a while to figure out what she was talking about, but then she turned up her music.


In response to her post, I said the following. My comment was thrown off due to a change in songs, but I think I recovered nicely.


Well, at least I wanted it to be bedtime (as you can see, it was after 11 p.m.), but Mandy pointed out why that wasn’t going to happen.


That I did, Mandy. That I did.
Well, things got even more silly as I got a random idea. I knew Mandy wouldn’t be on Facebook but would be checking it soon, so I wrote this:


So I went into her room, made some funny noises, then went in the bathroom and shut the door. It was awesome. While I was in the bathroom, I heard the loudest laugh I’ve ever heard. That’s how I knew she had checked Facebook. Things worked exactly as I planned muahaha!

We then ended the conversation (which was long overdue) with Mandy’s comment:


Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed access to Facebook after having high levels of caffeine. In fact, all social media should be banned after a certain level of caffeine; Mandy and I also had a similarly silly conversation on Twitter.

I will be proposing a legislative bill to ban Facebooking and Tweeting after caffeinating. I think it will go over well. Notice I didn’t include blogging on that list…the caffeine helps me blog (guess what I’m drinking right now!). I guess it’s a rather selfish bill, but I will be proposing it nonetheless!

When you see me (or others) advocating this cause, speak up! Do not be quieted! (And if you have any slogan ideas, let me know. So far I’ve got “Don’t caffeinate before you conversate,” but that’s kind of long…and difficult to spell.)

Disclaimer: The “experts” I referred to in bullet point five? Yea, they’re just my friends. None of them have a medical background, and honestly, I wouldn’t want any of them to be my doctor.


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