Things You Should Totally Post on Twitter

Twitter isn’t exactly swarming with college students. I use it and some of my friends use it, but honestly, most users are over the age of 35. Of the college students that do use twitter, many don’t actually know how to use it correctly.

No fear. I’m here to help. I’ve developed a list of things college students should post on Twitter. Follow these guidelines and you’ll have followers and job offers coming out your ass.

Most of these tips also work for Facebook, so increase your friend count by following these simple guidelines.

Thing to post #1: How far you ran. Friends and employersMegan's Meanderings love to see how far you ran. Some will even track your stats and share your progress with you. It’s a great way to connect with other people, especially fatties. Hey, you may even inspire a follower to get off the couch and run so they can post updates too!

Thing to post #2: What you ate for breakfast. Or any meal for that matter. I like to calorie count for the people I follow, and blunt “Mountain Dew for breakfast” posts help me in my quest.

Thing to post #3: Seemingly generic complaints that everyone knows are about a specific person. Example: “I hate when people stack up cans outside my room so when I walk out they fall over and make a loud noise.”

Thing to post #4: Corrections to other people’s grammar. This is just polite. People love having their mistakes pointed out publicly.

Thing to post #5: A massive amount of articles about your industry. Professional recruiters love to see that you can copy and paste an article link–an important skill in the real world.

Thing to post #6: Anything about alcohol. It shows you’re fun, laid back and ready to party. Mix these with all the copy and pasted article links, and employers won’t be able to resist DMing (direct messaging, for you non-Twitterers) you a job offer!

Thing to post #7: Health updates (this ones especially applies to Facebook too). People love to see when you’re feeling down, when you have a headache, when your stomach’s a little upset, when you’re in the hospital, when you feel like shit, when you have a pimple and more. The more detailed, the better. Health updates are an important part of staying connect in social media.

Thing to post #8: The weather. Most Twitter users are stuck in their basements all day, so it’s important to let them know what it’s like outside.

Thing to post #9: Anything that starts with “dear.” Examples:

  • Dear people walking slowly in front of me, MOVE!
  • Dear guy who cut me off in traffic, you suck!
  • Dear Twitter, I love you.
  • Dear ice cream, I want you.

See how entertaining those are!? You can never go wrong with a “dear” post. The cool thing about these is, they elicit responses. That guy who cut you off in traffic will see the post and apologize.

Thing to post #10: Song lyrics. This comes back to the ability to copy and paste other people’s words. The importance of that skill cannot be overlooked. Using vague song lyrics to describe how you feel to your followers lets them into your soul and gives them a reason to reach out.

Thing to post #11: Countdowns. I not only like keeping track of the special events in your life that affect me in no way whatsoever, I also like knowing EXACTLY how many days away they are! Graduation, wedding, vacation, whatever–I love keeping track of your life. Every time you post a new number (seemingly every day) I like to comment along the lines of “yay!” or “can’t wait!” even though said event has literally nothing to do with me.

Hopefully this guide helps all my fellow college students use Twitter as it was meant to be used. If you have any Twitter tips and tricks for the college student, post ’em here!

Disclaimer: If you actually take this advice seriously, you will lose job offers, and probably friends. If you can’t get the sarcasm, however, then you deserve it.

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