7 Ways Violet is Like Me


I’ve had Violet for a few months now. And, seriously, we’re like perfect together. We’re just a couple of old ladies living the life. We’re basically twins—kind of meant for each other. Here are just a few ways we’re alike.

7. She does awkward things sometimes

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6. She’s very ladylike

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5. She enjoys snacks and second dinners
I don’t have a picture of her eating, so enjoy this photo of her mohawk

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4. She mostly likes to sleep, but has her hyper/playful moments

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3. She doesn’t like other dogs (I’m not a big fan of other people)

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2. She hides under the bed when she’s scared (I hide in dark, enclosed places when I have anxiety)

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1. She’s adorable

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I’m going to be a millionaire soon


I’ve been getting a lot of spam through my UNI e-mail address lately. But I think I finally got a message that’s going to help me reach the big times.

Here’s the e-mail:
From: Miss Kone Rose,
Add: 47 Rue de Angree Djibri Abidjan
Cote D’Ivoire West Africa.
Good Day

My name is Miss Rose Kone the only daughter of late Engr. William Kone of the blessed memory. My father was a very wealthy and reputable cocoa merchant in Abidjan the economic capital of Ivory Coast, my father was poisoned to death by his business associates in one of their outings on a business trip.

My mother died when I was only 9 and since then, my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on January 2008 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has the sum of eight Million Five hundred thousand United States Dollars( 8,500,000 ) deposited in a financial institution here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his only daughter as the next of kin in depositing the fund.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates, That I should seek for a foreign partner in any country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose such as Real Estate Management, Hotel Management or any lucrative business.

I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways:

1) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am an underage tenager.

2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit for me in your country.

Moreover, I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your efforts/inputs after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account overseas and 5% for expense.

Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days you signify interest to assist me.

Anticipating to hear from you soon. you can alwaysreach me withthis email missrosecone123@yahoo.cn

Thanks and God bless! Best regards,

Miss Rose Kone.

—-

Awesome, right!? I can make $1.2 million just by helping this chick out? So here’s how I responded:

Miss Kone,
I am excited to hear about this opportunity. $1.2 million with no risk? I’ll take it! I think I’m going to splurge on a nice boat. Though I don’t live near water, so it will likely sit idle in my apartment’s parking lot. Hopefully the landlord is okay with that.

What will you spend your share on? Probably Justin Beiber related items. I hear all teenagers like that kid. Not to be rude, but I suggest you invest in English lessons. I know it’s not your native language, but the e-mail you sent is full of typos and bad grammar. You should look into that.

I do have some questions before we proceed.
My bank only insures up to $100,000 through the FDIC. Is it okay to split the money into 85 accounts to ensure it is all insured?
If you’re coming to the U.S. are you needing a place to stay? Because I have roommates and there’s no guarantee our futon will be available.
What does “my father took me so special” mean? Do I need to call the authorities? I guess he’s dead so there’s nothing they can do about it.

I also notice a hole in your story…if your father was killed on a business trip, how did he tell you on his deathbed about the money? Don’t get me wrong, I totally trust you, I just want clarification.

I look forward to our business transaction and receiving the $1.2 million at no risk.

Best of luck with your dead parents!
Megan

—-

I’m anxiously awaiting her reply. I’ll update when I have my cash.

—-

Update: It’s been two weeks and still no reply. I wonder why.

Flashback: One Wicked Awesome Weekend


I posted this blog on my old Megan’s Meanderings blog, but I’m transferring it over because it was an experience I want to remember. (It’s not as if I need a blog post to remember the amazing weekend, but it’s nice to go back and relive it every once in a while.)

—-

For my birthday, Jessie got me tickets to Wicked in Minneapolis. For those of you who don’t know what Wicked is, get educated. It’s basically the Wizard of Oz from the perspective of the witches. And, bonus, it’s a musical!

I took Friday off work and Jess and I got up bright an early (9 ish) and started our journey to Minneapolis. I-35 served as our yellow brick road, and we headed on our way.

We started the day at the Mall of America (MOA)—the epicenter of people watching. We spent four or five hours there—looking, trying stuff on, people watching. We ate delicious Sbarro’s pizza for lunch, and in an unrelated note, I totally got to mess around with an Ipad.

I’m not much into the “spending money on myself” thing. But I did get me some new jeans and a new tank top. Jess got jeans, shoes (he forgot his…his dress shoes, not his regular shoes. I don’t think he’d be allowed in the MOA without shoes. I’ll confirm with some primary research), and a blu-ray. I also bought him some super nerdy book—The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien.

We ended our MOA adventure after we each had had enough shopping. We headed to our hotel (the Westin) to find some grub (food) and get ready for the show. The hotel was super duper nice. I definitely fit in wearing my jean shorts and subway t-shirt.

We checked in, put our stuff in our room and headed on an adventure to find food. We tried an Italian place, but apparently they didn’t have any hot food…not gonna fly. We tried another supposedly Italian place (I like Italian), but they didn’t have pasta (what the hell kind of Italian restaurant doesn’t have pasta). So we decided to go super fancy and headed to Applebees.

Applebees was delicious, as usual. After we ate we walked back to the hotel and got ready. Jess put on his spiffy dress clothes (including a tie), and I donned a super chic dress…which I rocked…and heels.

Megan's Meanderings

We headed out on the town with our sexy selves and walked the 3-ish blocks to the theatre (the Orpheum). There was a long line of people waiting to get in, so we pushed our way to the front (by “pushed our way to the front,” I mean we waited courteously in line).

The theatre was in the same neighborhood as some hoppin’ clubs. It was also across from The Saloon, a local homosexual establishment. Well, at least we thought it was a gay bar based on their ad…we could be wrong.

Megan's Meanderings Megan's Meanderings

We made our way into the theatre. They were selling programs for 20 bucks a pop. Rip off! Everyone gets a playbill. They also had witch-themed drinks…one shot worth for $7. Psshh I coulda snuck in my own booze!

Anyway, the usher pointed us toward our seats and thanked us for dressing up. We were confused as to why she was thanking us. Doesn’t everyone dress up to come to a musical? No. No they do not. There were people there in jeans, and one lady even rocked a Green Bay Packers t-shirt (I used the term “rocked” satirically…she was in no way rocking that t-shirt).

Jess and I like to document our adventures, so he tried taking pictures of the stage and the theatre. We found out that is NOT COOL. An overly serious usher jumped in front of him and shouted, “Delete those pictures, sir! Now!” Jess deleted the pictures and we got on our way watching the show. See the artists rendering for a relatively close idea of what the stage and theatre looked like.

Megan's Meanderings

The show was AMAZING. I don’t even have words for it. I loved it. The actors/singers were extremely good, and well, again, I loved it. I never realized how truly creative the storyline is (if you want to know but don’t like musical…or don’t want to go…read Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West).

Going to the show made me again realize my dream of being on Broadway. Too bad I can’t sing.

After the show, we shuffled out with the rest of the audience. We strutted back to our hotel (I can say strutted because I was wearing my dress and heels like a rock star). We decided to have a drink at the hotel…just cuz we could.

I wanted to try something I had never tried before (which is stupid for someone with the alcohol tolerance of an ant), so I ordered a cosmo. Well this cosmo was 99% vodka, .5% triple sec, and .5% fruitiness. It was like sipping vodka. Needless to say, I could only have about 2 ounces of it. I got nauseous and had to leave the bar in a hurry. I didn’t actually get sick, but I might as well have. No more cosmos for me…ever.

Megan's Meanderings Cosmo

So like a champ, I went up to the hotel room, showered and went to bed. The next morning we woke up and headed on our way out of the big city.

It was a wicked awesome weekend, and I’ll remember it forever. If I wasn’t obsessed with Wicked before, I am now. It was the best birthday present ever, even though there were a few hiccups (and dry heaves) along the way.

We picked the worst day ever to go to MN. But it was awesome. Part 2


If you haven’t read “We picked the worst day ever to go to MN. But it was awesome. Part 1,” do so now.

Done? Okay, let’s begin part 2.

After the hilarious comedy show (hilarious and comedy might be redundant, but it was THAT good), we left the theatre and headed back to our car. Sort of. We actually wandered around aimlessly (by aimlessly, I mean lost) for half an hour. It was cold.

Eventually we found our car and headed home. This is actually when the real adventure started.

While we were wandering lost around downtown Minneapolis, we noticed it was starting to rain (well not so much rain as ice). Because of this, Jess drove nice and slow. We didn’t think it was bad, but when we merged onto I-35, we noticed the cars around us were rocking a 20-MPH pace. Turns out, it was sick. Real slick.

We drove 9 miles in an hour (for you math fans, that averages out to a speed of 9 miles per hour. Check my math). We saw at least six accidents (just fender benders. Probably no serious injuries) and watched cars slide from lane to lane.

After driving 9 miles, Jess spotted a hotel. We pulled off the interstate because, let’s face it, it would have taken 10+ hours to get home at the pace we were going…and it was already 11 p.m. We’re old. We can’t stay up that late.

We pulled into the hotel parking lot. And by “pulled into,” I mean slid into. Jessie’s car actually started sliding down a hill and there was nothing he could do about it. Eventually he was able to get control and get into the check-in parking area. Another hotel guest was walking (sliding) into the hotel. He saw Jessie’s slide and slide recovery and called him “heroic.” (At least that’s what Jessie said…he might have been BSing me.)

Jess got our room and we found a  parking spot.

Walking from the car to the hotel (about 60 yards) was one of the most physically demanding things I’ve done in a while (don’t mock me. I don’t work out. OK it wasn’t THAT physically demanding, but it was tough). It took coordination, balance and a whole lotta effort. It took at least five minutes to walk (slide) the 60 yards to the hotel door.

The parking lot and sidewalks were literally covered in a sheet of ice. Literally. I was sliding all over the place, Jess was sliding all over the place. It’s amazing neither of us wiped out.

We finally made it into the hotel. We thawed off and went to bed…thoroughly exhausted.

We woke up this morning and headed back to the safety of Cedar Falls. It rained the whole way back (I assume. I was sleeping) but we made it.

What was supposed to be a normal, uneventful trip turned into an exciting, nerve-wracking adventure. I wouldn’t have it any other way.